WHY ARE THE CHILDREN SO SCARY ON THIS SHOW?!
1. I don't care if you're Chloë Sevigny, I still don't want a bloodthirsty vampire as my doctor.
2. OMG, Chloë shotgunning bags of blood is basically me every time I get around a slice of pizza. Including getting all the blood/sauce all over myself.
3. Why is she turning this kid into a vampire??? Has she learned NOTHING on this show?
4. And queue the creepy credits that will be giving me nightmares for the next week.
5. Call me crazy, but I wouldn't be mad if Matthew Bomer came knocking at my door at 4 a.m., even if he had drunk Kathy Bates in tow.
6. How is it that Angela Bassett looks so good in the middle of the night? At 4 a.m. I'm drooling on my pillow and my hair is like a rat's nest.
FX / Via fxnetworks.com
7. How am I supposed to pick between Lady Gaga vs. Angela Bassett and Matt Bomer? It's like trying to pick whether you get free ice cream or free pizza for the rest of your life.
8. Angela Bassett saying, "She been turn," should land her the Emmy, IMO. AMEN ANGELA!!!
9. Somehow I think little vampire measles kid is craving more than just jalapeno cheddar snacks…more like human blood.
10. Hungover vampire Kathy Bates looks like me before I get my morning Starbucks, aka a HOT MESS!!!
11. Lady Gaga drinking blood with a splash of triple sec somehow sounds like the most glamorous thing ever, tbh.
12. OH MY GOD vampire measles kid just ate his parents!!!
13. THIS IS WHY YOU GIVE YOUR KIDS A FLU SHOT SO THEY DON'T TURN INTO VAMPIRES AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD!
14. "Where are you? You didn't answer my texts?" "I almost died!" AKA me texting all my crushes ever.
15. Drinking your first grade teacher's blood? SOUNDS LIKE FUN!
16. Oh my god it's the dad from Even Stevens! Too bad he's probably going to brutally die soon.
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