“Wait, should I apply for this show?”
1. This is the best part of my Monday.
2. Is that sad?
3. That's probably sad, but IDC.
4. AHHH it's starting.
5. I am not ready, I do not have nearly enough wine.
6. Wait, who went home last week?
7. Why can I never remember everyone's names?
8. Where is this house even located?
9. Could I tour it?
10. I should Google this.
11. Where's my wine?
12. Where's your wine?
13. Wait, pour a little bit more: It's the two-on-one dates tonight. We're gonna need it.
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14. OMG EVERYONE BE QUIET IT'S STARTING. SHHHHHH.
15. I can't hear what he's thinking about the women while he stares out into the great expanse that is this earth while standing on that cliff.
16. Chris. Fucking. Harrison.
17. Now that's a keeper.
18. I mean, he looks better and better each season.
19. Does he suck out the souls from previous bachelors and use them to make his youth last forever?
20. Someone should call in and ask him that during Bachelor Live.
21. Wow. These "coming up next" previews are insane.
22. Someone's on the floor hyperventilating!
23. Who is it? I can't see.
24. OK, her hair is blonde. That leaves 14 options.
25. These women look amazing for just waking up.
26. Quick question: Is their makeup tattooed on?
27. Chris, just wink once if that's true.
28. OK, no wink. But I still think it might be tattooed on.
29. Wait, which Lauren is this? THERE ARE SO MANY.
30. Oh, it's that Lauren.
31. I like her. She has a sweet face.
32. IT'S GROUP DATE TIME. OMG. OMG. OMG.
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