“I’ve always wanted to ejaculate, but that has never happened,” Cho, host of All About Sex, told BuzzFeed News.
Kyle Christy / TLC
"I can't believe she bit off his whole nipple!" Margaret Cho said, affecting shock, while filming a short promo for her new TLC late-night talk show All About Sex.
"I can't believe she bit off the entire nipple," Cho said during the next take.
They went again. "She ate the nipple. Ate it!"
And again. "I can't believe she chewed off his nipples!"
A call came in over a headset from the producers in the control room: They had to redo the nipple line for a fifth time.
"She bit off his nipple," Cho said, dragging out the l, making it ni-pulllllll. "Ow, ow."
Nailed it.
All About Sex, which premiered Jan. 10 and airs on Saturdays at 11 p.m. on TLC, features Cho and her three co-hosts — comedian Heather McDonald (best known from Chelsea Lately), actress Marissa Jaret Winokur of Hairspray fame, and sex therapist Tiffanie Davis Henry — talking about sex, relationships, and the week's weird sex news (the talk show airs just after the self-explanatory Sex Sent Me to the ER).
On the particular day BuzzFeed News was on the All About Sex set in Burbank, California, their guest was a BDSM expert/porn director/performer who was never identified during the taping as being in the porn industry. She described 50 Shades of Grey as "a tale as old as time," and then went on to discuss in vague terms how she got into BDSM.
"I think Marissa wants to do it," Cho said, looking at her uptight co-host Winokur. "Strangely silent and listening." Shortly thereafter, the seeming prude confirmed with a crew member that they can say "blow job" on the show but cannot pantomime the act, and then proceeded to pantomime the act between takes to demonstrate what she was not allowed to do onscreen. When they finished shooting the episode, Cho told Winokur approvingly, "You talked today more about your sex life than ever."
And really, that's all Cho wants. Before the taping, BuzzFeed News spoke with Cho about sex, bodies, and relationships as two hair and makeup artists fussed about her face.
TLC
What motivates you to talk about sex?
Margaret Cho: It's an interesting topic because everybody's got an opinion about it, and hopefully everybody's having it to some extent, or has had it in the past, or wants to have it. It is a subject that is infinitely interesting because it's connected to identity, and also desire. It's a subject that's intertwined with all these ideals about identity and self and purpose.
You're working toward achieving an ideal?
MC: I want to have orgasms during cunnilingus. I've never achieved it. Three thousand years of being sexual — 25 years of being sexual, never achieved it. And now, I think it's not gonna happen, because it's been 25 years. You work on something a quarter of a century, you work on it really hard, that ideal may be not possible. So that's my idealization, or my projection of something I would like to do. That's why sex is so interesting: because people have those idealizations, people have those sex goals in mind.
Do you think there's any downside to thinking about sexual pleasure as a project?
MC: No, because I think, in a way, sometimes it has to be — certain things like learning how to orgasm, or learning how to be a multi-orgasmic person, learning techniques, things like that. I've always wanted to ejaculate. But that has never happened, and so now, I'm kind of thinking, Maybe that doesn't exist for me. Sexual fulfillment goals, to make them happen, you have to work on them as a project. I don't think it's a bad thing.
Can it ever become counterproductive?
MC: Maybe. Sex in general should be about intimacy and yet, when I'm talking about projects, I'm really talking about projects to work on, like, that are during masturbation, or during sex with a partner that we're both working on, we're both working towards a personal best. But sex in general, for me, is a lot of different aspects of humanity, not just my relationships. It's my relationship to myself and my body.
What can straight people learn from queer people about sex and relationships?
MC: Well, people can learn from people. What I bring from the queer community, or from being with women for years, is incorporating sex toys, which is very common in my relationships with women, or sex with women, but not as common in heterosexual sex. So my inclination during sex always is to use sex toys. That's not something men are often used to.
Do you think there's anything else that's different for queer people about how relationships function?
MC: No, people are people. I mean, then you get into a very, very complex conversation of what socially makes a man versus a woman, versus a heterosexual man versus a homosexual man. Nobody is the same just because they're gay or straight or queer or not queer. There is a variety of human experience. Sexuality is only one part of who we are.
I noticed this in the first episode of All About Sex — and in life — there's a narrative that women don't want sex, or that sex is something that women do for their husbands —
MC: That's not my narrative. That's Marissa. I don't have that attitude. I think sex is really about the self, and really a self-reflection. I'm not even talking about sex, I'm talking about a responsibility to have a sexual relationship with myself, which is an attitude about your own body, and attitude towards finding out what really makes you tick. But I don't like the fact that that consciousness is out there, that women's sexuality is really about pleasing their husbands so their husbands will do something for them. That's not my take on it. But I know it's possible that other people have that.
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