I was in a celebrity twilight zone.
I arrived at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in Beverly Hills, California — home of Lisa Vanderpump. I don't know how I got here. I mean that literally. I drove myself to the party and got lost for, like, 20 minutes trying to find the place where I could valet my car. I finally found it, and handed my car keys to a nice valet man. I then heard people screaming something. They were either yelling "LAUREN!!! WE LOVE YOU!" Or "GAGA, WE LOVE YOU!" I wasn't sure at first which it was, but when I realized Lady Gaga and Elton John were exiting the car directly behind me, I figured that they were probably screaming the latter. Also I'm not famous and no one knows me. This was the very start of my brief time at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party.
Lady Gaga walked the red (green and white) carpet only a few minutes behind me. That's right: I also walked the red (green and white) carpet. I HAD TO. There's literally no other way to get into the party. I put my head down and speed-walked through, weaving my way through some other celebrities getting their pictures taken.
Adrian Sanchez-gonzalez / AFP / Getty Images
First of all let me say: Holy shit. This party is the celebrity version of Minesweeper. You can't walk two feet without accidentally bumping into or walking past a famous person.
I walked in and almost brushed Saoirse Ronan's shoulder. She was telling a story to some friends, which meant I got to hear her Irish accent in real life. It took a lot of restraint to not run up to her and say, "I LIVE IN BROOKLYN!! WE ARE TWINSIES!!" I barely turned a corner when looked to my right to see Leonardo DiCaprio, hanging with at least one member of his old Pussy Posse, Tobey Maguire. There were a ton of other people crowding around them. I think I may have made eye contact with Leo for half of a half of a half of a second.
Before I could take my next step, Elizabeth Banks brushed past me. She looked amazing. I wanted to be her friend. I had already seen more celebrities in this room than I have in the last five years, and it was only the first 30 seconds of me being there. I kept walking.
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