If Male Actors Were Described The Way Female Actors Are


via BuzzFeed

Magazine profiles love detailing the way female celebrities purr their oyster orders and encase their svelte figures in flowing, all-white pantsuits. But what about the men?

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed

As former stripper Channing Tatum stands in his expansive, glistening marble kitchen putting the finishing touches on his signature dish — an egg white omelet, minus the whites — his crowd-pleasing abs are encased in a loose-fitting, slightly sheer garment that skims the top of his jeans in an almost loving way. He's at ease here, actually enjoying himself, like he's cooked this meal for his movie star wife and their young daughter a thousand times before. As he reaches for the pepper — "It really brings out the flavor of the air" — his shirt rises, giving me a glimpse of those tanned, rippling muscles that have launched a million fantasies.

When the waiter comes over, Zac Efron orders a sandwich with the exuberant joy of a beautiful, thin woman freed by pregnancy. "A Reuben, please," he says, "with extra corned beef. No, wait! And extra Swiss. You know what? Extra dressing, too." He giggles and hands the menu to the waiter. "I'm so bad! But I can FINALLY eat whatever I want."

"I'm starving!" Chris Evans exclaims excitedly — he does everything excitedly, like life is one giant, stimulating gift — and he shoves a menu my way. "You have to order A LOT, OK? Because I am ready to EAT, and I can't do that alone." I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize that, despite the lithe and lean body that suggests he subsists on kale alone, he's actually just a regular guy in a sea of men who are on never-ending diets. As he orders corn chips and guacamole without even looking at the menu, I'm struck by his realness. It's refreshing. "I am really into their shape," he says, speaking of the corn chips, and his eyes widen innocently, as though he's an 8-year-old child.

Maritsa Patrinos / BuzzFeed

At 71, Robert De Niro still looks just as radiant and youthful as he did before he became a dad of six. As he glides into an effortless downward dog during our interview — "Yoga is my bliss," he tells me — you realize that this is a man who's resisted the temptation of Botox and lip fillers but still looks every bit the glowing Hollywood ingenue. What's his secret? "Swiss chard," he purrs.

The first thing you notice when you walk into Jake Gyllenhaal's romantic Malibu beach cottage is the light, lilting scent of sandalwood incense. He's burning it in a sleek porcelain bowl on one of his pristine counter tops. "I want it to feel sexy in here," Gyllenhaal says, offering me a glass of sauvignon blanc — he pours it himself! — before we step out to his beautiful sun-soaked infinity pool. He gives his short brown hair a toss and laughs a warm, tinkling laugh. "But I want it to feel…zen. Really sexy zen."

Steve Buscemi, his trademark eyes hidden behind oversize dark designer glasses, purses his lips and gently caresses his black coffee (no sugar) with his breath. "Can't have it too hot, now can we?" he says with a suggestive grin.


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