They scare because we care.
FX
1. A date/location title card will appear in the ~signature~ AHS font.
2. You will want to pee your pants from excitement.
3. And you'll be like, "What kind of horrifying/crazy/sassy shenanigans will happen THIS season?"
4. Someone unimportant dies a super dramatic, horrifying death. They may or may not be Adam Levine.
5. You'll be like, "Can we just skip the gruesome death and get right to the good stuff aka Jessica FUCKING Lange?"
6. Jessica Lange appears and her wig looks larger-than-life, probably to match her personality.
7. She's also killing it in a wrap dress.
8. There will be an excessive amount of creepy fisheye lens shots. Because ~art~.
9. There will also be a jarring camera angle that's only flattering on Jessica Lange, the queen herself.
10. Several times during the season, unbelievably awkward sex will happen.
11. You won't want to hook up with anyone again, until you see Evan Peters.
12. And you'll forever feel weird about sex.
13. A serial killer will do something EXTRA terrifying. There are serial killers, and then there are serial killers on AHS.
FX
14. Jessica Lange will have at least three super-sassy one liners per episode, probably more.
15. Because that's what you're here for, right?
16. Like, she'll be sassy enough that your Tumblr feed is basically Jessica Lange GIFs for the next few months.
17. Something unfortunate will happen to Sarah Paulson's character. Poor Sarah Paulson.
18. And no one cares. Except for you, MAYBE.
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