It’s going down. I’m yelling, “WHERE IS KESHA?”
Brian Friedman/iHeartRadio
On Thursday, May 1, the first iHeartRadio Music Awards were held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. These are the observations and questions I had over the course of the three-hour show.
1. Katy Perry talks about moving to L.A. from Santa Barbara as though she had to flee by foot across a barren desert when the truth is she drove 90 minutes.
2. "Timber" without Kesha is just…well, it's just Pitbull.
3. Rihanna missing her first award because she's stuck in traffic is a good reminder that L.A., for all its positive attributes, is still kind of terrible.
4. I sort of wish I were still stuck in traffic myself, if only because I'd be stuck in the same traffic as Rihanna.
5. Traffic is the great equalizer.
6. Luke Bryan makes me think that all country music stars have two first names. Logically, I know that's not true, but it sounds right to me.
7. I wish the people standing in front of me and blocking my view of the stage were stuck in traffic.
8. Pitbull doesn't thank Kesha when "Timber" wins for Best Collaboration. I don't think I've ever felt more animosity toward Pitbull.
9. Justice for Kesha.
10. Chris Martin's story about loving L.A. involves sitting in the cockpit while landing a plane, which is vaguely terrifying to me.
11. Why was Chris Martin allowed in the cockpit?
12. How many planes have I been on that were secretly landed by members of Coldplay?
Kevin Winter / Getty Images for Clear Channel
13. Bastille is great, but I'm too far away to ogle Dan Smith, so I feel a little let down.
14. Even from this distance, I can at least appreciate how tall Dan Smith's hair is.
15. Miley Cyrus wins Best Lyrics for "Wrecking Ball." I mean, sure. That song has lyrics.
16. Billy Ray Cyrus accepting the award on Miley's behalf gives me intense stage-parent vibes.
17. This "live" performance by Ed Sheeran is pre-recorded, and I'm livid.
18. We need to talk about what "live" means.
19. If I wanted to watch a video of Ed Sheeran performing, I could have stayed home. And avoided traffic.
20. As usual, Ariana Grande brings me back to the moment.
21. Where is Iggy Azalea?
22. The backup dancers are doing crazy flips. It's almost enough to distract from the fact that Iggy Azalea isn't there. Almost.
23. Justice for Iggy.
24. I can't remember the last awards show I attended where Jared Leto wasn't present.
25. Jared Leto accepting an award on behalf of Lorde is almost as weird as when Billy Ray Cyrus accepted an award on behalf of Miley.
26. Those were simpler times.
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